Working Through A High-Conflict Divorce

We all know that a divorce is stressful and time-consuming. Unfortunately, many divorces are fraught with unnecessary conflict between spouses. Too often, someone in the marriage is determined to fight it out, no matter what. When the other party is making things difficult for you, a divorce attorney in Nampa is your best ally. These are some tips for making it through a high-conflict divorce.

Limit contact with your spouse.

A high-conflict person thrives on attention, and it’s up to you to deprive him or her of it. As much as you can, limit your contact with the other party. Remember that you will probably need to communicate with your spouse on some level, especially if children are involved. There may also be provisions of court orders in your case that require some degree of communication. But having a Nampa Family Law Attorney can restrict your spouse’s contact with you – and thereby reduce headaches. If you must have communications directly with your spouse, try to do so in writing. This will also help create a record in your case that could later prove helpful.

Don’t react. Similarly, avoid reacting to what your spouse does – for your own good.

When the other person says something untrue, hurtful, or insulting, it’s easy to get angry. But your spouse likely knows which buttons to push, so this is most likely deliberate. Reacting may result in you saying or doing something which can be used against you later. By treating the divorce like a financial transaction, you can divest it of all of the emotion.

Remember which things you can and cannot control.

In high-conflict divorces, reasoning with the other party is difficult if not impossible. You likely will not be able to make him or her see things from your perspective. The only party in the divorce that you can control is yourself. Protecting your interests in the case requires you to do so. Make peace with this and let your Nampa, Idaho family law attorney do his job.

Insist on boundaries.

Early in the divorce process, you should let the other spouse know what you will and will not discuss. It’s also important to consistently maintain those boundaries. High-conflict persons look for any opening they can find to talk about something that will lead to trouble. Walk away from the other person if your boundaries are not respected.

Keep your children out of it.

Whether custody is involved or not, some individuals routinely try to weaponize their children against the other party. High-conflict spouses sometimes use children as leverage, or to get information from the other party. You need to stay above this, and insist that this behavior not take place. Notify your

 if the other spouse is involving your children in the divorce.

If necessary, involve law enforcement.

Too often, high-conflict individuals cross the line from obnoxious behavior into criminal territory. Stalking, threats, and similar actions are not acceptable. If possible, document the activity that you believe violates the law. If you or your children are facing physical violence or threats, let your Nampa, Idaho family law attorney know immediately. Also inform him about any instances of defamation and other forms of harassment.

Reach out to a support network.

Church, family, and friends can provide support when you need it most. Divorce counseling is now widespread, and has helped many people struggling through a high-conflict divorce. Rather than blow up at the other party (which is counterproductive), rely on your network to hear your frustrations. Divorce can be emotionally scarring to anyone. Fortunately, you’re not alone.


No one deserves to have to deal with someone intent on making divorce unnecessarily painful. Maintaining perspective and giving thoughtful consideration to the difficulties you encounter will help the process go more smoothly. To learn more tips for defusing conflict and to get the legal advice you need, call Idaho Divorce Center. Our team is ready to work with you through the hard times.